Tears and Laughter

It feels like the planets are in retrograde today. One faux pas after another. I had to apologize so many times though my interpreter I felt like an idiot. No telling what they thought of me. Leanna and I have our babies and we love them. The one child that was looking good, spiked a high fever and deterioated to join the others who were lethargic and weak. That set us back. What is wrong with her?

We are learning their beautiful french names. We have a little girl who is nine months and and weighs 15 pounds. Her hair is turning red from malnutrition. Her mother is pregnant with twins. They live in a tent because their house "cracked". The father lost his job because of the earthquake and they have no food for themselves or their other two children in the tent. The mother is sad, overwhelmed, suffering in silence. She sits quietly, and her baby has been lying in the bed rarely moving so weak and tiny, hope lost. Yesterday she made progress as she began to eat and drink with steady coaxing from Leanna and Mom. Today from across the room I saw her grabbing her foot held up in the air. Wow, that was the first normal baby thing I had ever seen her do. I had this urge, and wrapped her in a new receiving blanket and took her outside for some fresh air. We bounced and walked and talked. I kept up a steady diatribe of encouragement telling her I loved her and there was hope. She fixed her eyes on me and was listening - then cracked the littlest smile. Wow, Leanna and I went for it and we got her to crack a big smile and then she laughed! From the depths of my soul I can tell you that it was a miracle. We went back to the nursery and shared our happy baby with her Mom who smiled and laughed too, then all the Moms would laugh and cheer when our little girl would smile and spread her hope around the room.

I sat with her Mom and talked about her stress and situation. I told her I was sorry and that I wanted to carry some of the burden for her, and then I started crying and almost couldn't stop. It took everything I had to hold it together, and keep going. We talked about infant stimulation, and that I had a book and clothes for our little one and the two little ones inside of her. After dinner I went back to check on everyone and the mom was lying on her bed, a piece of cardboard next to the crib.

When I decided to come to Haiti, my fundamental motivation was to bring hope. Right now I am feeling sad and tenuous because I do not know if our precious little girl will be able to make it out there, I wonder if I was telling her the truth...